What if you could have the honeymoon joy with your loved ones ALL the time? What if the joy and communication you ache for could be yours at home and work? What if you could have relationships that were supportive and effortless all the time?

Every day we have the choice to be greater in our relationships by using all of our brains. The late Candace Pert, of Georgetown University Medical Center, scientifically proved that we have 3 brains: the one in our head, the one in our heart and the one in our gut.

The magnificence and power of our relationships, whether at home or work, can be a big part in how joyfully we live our lives. I am going to suggest that how you manage your relationships determines how successful and fulfilling your life is. This suggestion implies that you must develop what I call relationship intelligence. I share Ken Blanchard’s opinion, when he says the best earthly relationship you can cultivate is the one with yourself. How well you know yourself and how you manage your emotions, beliefs and energy impacts the potential your relationships have.

Dr. Joe Dispenza states that by the time we are 35 we are as much as 95% unconscious in the way we run our lives. We come into this world unconscious and from birth to age 6 or 7 we take things in without filters. It is in this time of social and emotional development that we learn the most about relationships. As our life and world expand, we make conscious and unconscious choices about love and life. We learn about the full range of emotions from love and fear to joy and disappointment. We also have experiences that mold our self-respect, self-discipline, self-esteem and self-confidence. Most of this is internalized without our awareness. As we mature, we are prone to reACT from the learning we received in those “window of opportunity” years. This is our emotional template. These formative years create much of the foundation our relationships.

Life outcomes depend on your relationship with yourself and others. It is important that you are willing to look at how you treat yourself and how that, in turn, affects your life and those around you. I believe that your life is only as good as your worst relationship. How you show up in relation to yourself determines how you show up with others. If you are hard on yourself, if you judge yourself and if you have difficulty forgiving yourself, then it is likely you are also hard on, judging and unforgiving of others. Being clear with yourself and good to yourself sets you up to create powerful pathways to an incredible life and magnificent partnerships in your personal and professional life.

So you say, “Okay, I have this unconscious template that informs my relationships. So when I commit to NOT repeating certain behaviors (like using that tone of voice or adopting the attitude of my spouse or boss) and then I find myself doing it anyway, what do I do?”

We function best when we use our gut, heart and head. When we honor or integrate our first internal response (the gut), our heart and our head then we are using all three brains. This allows us to choose how we think, act and feel. The best of relationship intelligence means using all three brains. This is where the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza becomes priceless. He says that we can choose our experience by the way we think, act and feel.

So if you want to be more successful in relationships and more productive at work and home then you must change how you think, act and feel. Dr. Robert Cooper states that “just as the your gut processes far more than your food, your heart circulates far more than your blood. Every single heart beat specks an intelligent language to your whole body, a language that deeply influences how you perceive your world and how you react to it. It is not a surprise then when we feel valued that we put our true effort into our work and our relationships.

Dr. Dispenza gives us the keys to taking our emotional intelligence to the next level. He teaches research based principles that increase our potential by being aware of our thoughts and choosing thoughts that align with our goals and propel us forward to the life, work and relationships we set out to have. The three keys are simple and straight forward and have proven effective in the individual and the organization. The first step in to be aware of the thoughts you think and change them to match your values, goals and desires. The second principle is “pull your mind out of your body” and behave according to the new thought you have designed for home or work. Finally you begin to feel a different way and therefore have a different experience.

The union of Emotional Intelligence and Dr. Dispenza’s work is a perfect match. Emotional Intelligence let’s you become aware and know that your three brains are all alive and well and are throughout the body. Through self awareness, the individual or the organization learns the stories and internal operating system that runs their thoughts, their lives, their ROI. Dr. Joe works with the individual and the organization to take your emotional intelligence and more it into a system for change. The result of using his system for change is that you have different experiences, therefore different thoughts and different outcomes or behaviors.